Dave wins the Old Northeast neighborhood Super Jock Trophy!!!

A new cold war has heated up in St. Pete, firing the simmering coals of competitive intensity between my triathlon training partner and I. Until this Sunday morning, we were neighbors with a shared interest in remaining healthy and providing solid examples for our respective children. Until Sunday morning. Until Dave made our competition real by choosing to unveil a shiny trophy he ordered, adorned with a plaque that proclaimed the holder to be the Old Northeast Neighborhood Super Jock. Six inches of gleaming, polished plastic perched on a base of faux marble. I mean, really, think about it. Providing an example of healthy living to our kids is sort of noble, but this is a trophy; something to be proud of!

Dave and I ran the Top Gun Triathlon as the inaugural event in the Super Jock competition. Actually, Dave ran the triathlon; I hobbled along as fast as my “butter tart-fuel buttocks could jiggle through the swim, bike, and run. (more on butter tarts soon) Dave ran a phenomenal triathlon and placed 7th. I placed a respectable 29th, which would have made me quite happy had I not spent the entire hour and eleven minutes aware that Dave was beating me like the family mule. Dave managed to beat me by 2 minutes on the swim alone, a remarkable achievement as the swim only took me ten minutes. Overall, he bested me by 8 minutes. But I’m not concerned. There’s a trophy involved now. Pride has been awakened. Things will change. Meals skipped, runs longer, sleep ignored, swim form perfected, cycling technique strengthened. My waist will be smaller, my diet more fibrous, my waste more loose.

We celebrated Dave’s win with our first trophy ceremony after the race. I handed the trophy over to a conciliatory, smiling Dave with a handshake as a nearby spectator snapped a couple of pictures. I tried to be sincere, but my smile masked the turning gears of a formulating, redemptive plan. By 3pm, I had Dave talked into the Longleaf Olympic distance triathlon. While I completed the on-line registration for the race, I browsed some prices on new triathlon wheels for my bike. I think this trophy could become expensive, but that’s okay. The kids can take their chances in public school. That will save me some time reviewing homework so I can train harder.