The Wife Shops for Boots

Three nights in a row I’ve watched Julie shop on the internet for boots. She wants a pair of black, dressy leather boots, and I’m certain that she’ll buy the first pair that she showed me. But first she has to show me every other pair of boots on the internet. I’ve long since lost interest and I can’t even tell the difference between the boots when she explains the nuances, which she invariably does to some length. I ought to just log onto her computer and buy the first pair she looked at. The box would arrive on the doorstep in a few nights, no doubt as she leaned across the couch with her computer to show me yet another pair; and hopefully end the madness.
I once bought a gown for the Marine Corps Ball to end a similar aggravating episode. I was a young lieutenant and Julie needed a gown for the USMC ball. We were in Washington, D.C. at the time, so we drove our ’86 Aries wagon with puppy poop brown paint up to the Fair Oaks Mall and commenced walking through every department store. Our first port of call was J.C. Penney’s. Julie tried on a black sheath dress which knocked my eyes out. She looked incredible, and the dress was on clearance for $88. Naturally, she placed it back on the hanger with a shake of her head and continued to flip through the racks. I saw where this was going; a long day of traipsing through stores while she jumped in and out of gowns, never finding exactly what she wanted, always fretting over what might be in the next store, until finally panicking with the realization that the first gown was perfect and a dash back to J.C. Penney to learn that it was purchased three hours earlier by a woman somewhat less manic. So, I bought the gown while she was trying on a different dress and had the salesperson hide it behind the counter.
Countless hours and stores later, my wife suddenly decided that her life would be incomplete unless we were able to buy the black dress back at J.C. Penneys. A last mad dash across the mall ended with me triumphantly pulling the dress bag from behind the cash register and holding it up like a fresh kill and expecting rewards, both immediate and later, for my forethought.
My wife’s reaction was not positive. “You just played along all day when you had already bought the dress!” she accused and expecting rewards, both immediate and later, for my forethought.
My wife’s reaction was not positive. “You just played along all day when you had already bought the dress!” she accused. Umm, yeah, ‘cause I love you? The ride back to our apartment was quiet, but she’s worn the dress for 10 years. It still fits, she still looks sensational, and I’ve never been rewarded for my good conduct.
So, I’m going to order the stupid boots and end this misery.